


Glass Hill

by Lostwithyou



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Coming Out, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 06:03:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15309036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lostwithyou/pseuds/Lostwithyou
Summary: There was a fairy tale he’d read a long time ago. The name and characters were lost to him but the story remained in his head for a long time.It was about a princess whose father placed her on atop a steep hill of glass, and she was to wed whoever could reach the top. He remembered in the story the princess seemed to have no qualms with this, and she ended up with the boy she liked anyways. However, Yusuke was always one to think deeper into things then what was intended.He thought of what a lonely life she must have led, banished to a near-impossible to reach location and forced to spend your life watching men struggle at your feet, unable to do anything to help or even express your desires.Perhaps the reason it stuck with him so well was because of the way he was able to relate to it.





	Glass Hill

There was a fairy tale he’d read a long time ago. The name and characters were lost to him but the story remained in his head for a long time.  
It was about a princess whose father placed her on atop a steep hill of glass, and she was to wed whoever could reach the top. He remembered in the story the princess seemed to have no qualms with this, and she ended up with the boy she liked anyways. However, Yusuke was always one to think deeper into things then what was intended.  
He thought of what a lonely life she must have led, banished to a near-impossible to reach location and forced to spend your life watching men struggle at your feet, unable to do anything to help or even express your desires. 

Perhaps the reason it stuck with him so well was because of the way he was able to relate to it.

He was very young when he realized he didn’t like girls the way the other boys at school did. He would hear them whispering about crushes, which girls were cute and which weren't. At first, he thought he understood. He was able to recognize a lady's beauty and vaguely followed along with what other boys were saying. It was high school when he realized that he really had no idea what they were talking about at all.  
The realization hit him like a truck early in his freshman year. Though he was friendly with the other kids in his middle school classes, there was no one he could call his friend. Now in high school, he was having the same problem. Most people labelled him as strange very quickly and tended to avoid him. As such, he spent most of his free time standing in the atrium or cafeteria, people watching and sketching. During this time he would find himself accidentally listening in to the conversations around him. The table closest to him was full of boys his age, having an animated discussion about the girls they had dubbed the “hottest babes” in school. They pointed across the cafeteria to a to a sophomore he recognised as part of the student council. Yusuke looked because if this girl was truely as beautiful as they claimed her to be, he wanted to sketch her. When Yusuke looked to the table she sat at though, he found himself completely ignoring her, eyes zeroing in on who he assumed was her boyfriend, casually leaning back in the chair with his arm slung over her shoulder. His hand seemed to move on its own, sketching every detail of his gorgeous eyes, perfectly square jaw and devilish smile. In Yusuke's eyes, he was perfect.  
Yusuke looked away quickly when the other boy noticed him staring from across the room. 

Over the next few days, he found himself frequenting the same spot, staring at the same man, filling the pages of his sketchbook with sketches of him. Somehow this was not what clued him in to his romantic interests.  
It was late after school on a tuesday afternoon. Yusuke had stayed behind to work on schoolwork and was standing at his locker, preparing to leave. When he turned, he found himself face to face with the girl dubbed a “hot babe” by his classmates. She had her arms crossed and something about her expression told Yusuke that she was not here to ask him to do a survey for the student council.  
“I don’t know if you think we wouldn’t notice or something, but quit staring at my boyfriend.” She said. Her harsh tone was surprising, she often spoke on the morning announcements and she was known to have a very soft voice.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Yusuke stammered out. She only rolled her eyes,  
“Are you gay or something?” She spat out, “I don’t care what the fuck you do in your own time, but quit making goo goo eyes at my boyfriend. It’s weird.” Without giving Yusuke time to respond, she stalked away, texting rapidly on her phone. Yusuke stared at the ground.  
Him? Gay? No way. He thought. He thought women were very beautiful, after all. Sure, they couldn’t compare in his mind to some of the boys he saw but -  
His thoughts slowed to a stop.  
He rapidly flipped through his sketchbook. Page after page was filled with nothing but boys. Male celebrities he saw in tabloids in the checkout line of the supermarket, cute boys he saw on the train, a few of his classmates, and of course there were several pages full of depictions of that girls boyfriend. He turned around to face the inside of his locker so any passerby wouldn’t see his subsequent freak out.  
He felt stupid for not noticing. People would say that you know yourself best, yet here was that student council member, figuring it out before he did.  
He, Yusuke Kitagawa, was gay.  
His phone went off in pocket. Madarame was wondering where he was. He had no time to panic like this, he had to go. He shoved his sketchbook in his bag and made his way to the front of the school. Yusuke knew he had just acquired a secret that no one else could ever know.

He spent the rest of his evening staring at the ceiling of his room, lying in bed. In a way, he felt happy. He finally understood himself a little better. He didn’t feel as left out for not understanding when the other boys at school would talk about their crushes. But he was also afraid. He had never met anyone else who was gay (to his knowledge at least), and he knew no one who openly talked about supporting them.  
He found it hard to keep his eyes open. He had homework to do, but he didn’t care. He’d had a long day and didn’t want to have to think about things right now. He closed his eyes and let sleep take over.

When he woke up, surprisingly enough Yusuke felt alright. After sleeping on it, he found he was able to approach the conversation more calmly. So what if he liked boys? He was sure no one would ever find out anyways. He was married to his art after all, so he didn’t feel the need to worry about future partners, after all Madarame was quite old and had never married. He began to think that everything would be alright.

That hope was crushed the moment he walked into the kitchen. Madarame was seated at the table, Yusuke’s sketchbook lay in front of him.  
“Yusuke, we need to have a talk.” He said. His voice was calm but Yusuke could hear the subtle anger beneath. Yusuke took a deep breath and sat down across from Madarame.  
“Might I ask what this is, Yusuke?” Madarame asked, gesturing to the open sketchbook.  
“It’s my sketchbook.” Yusuke said quietly, staring at his lap. Madarame roughly picked it up and flipped through it,  
“It is your sketchbook, so might I ask why it is full of nothing but men? I understand practice and studies, but this is not the sketchbook of a normal teenage boy Yusuke.” Madarame stood up and wordlessly dropped the sketchbook into the garbage can, “What would your classmates think if they saw this Yusuke? You can’t have people thinking you’re like that.” Madarame left, retreating upstairs and leaving Yusuke alone in the kitchen.

It was at that moment that Yusuke found himself atop a hill of glass. Any love he could have ever dreamed of having was forbidden. 

As years passed, the hill he found himself atop felt less like a prison and more like home. He could never let anyone know his true feelings. Whenever someone came to the foot of the hill, intent on taking on the challenge, they would slide back down and give up. That’s the way Yusuke liked it. He thought that his hill of glass was an impenetrable fortress, a shield no one could bypass.  
Then he met them.

The phantom thieves entered his life like a tornado, ripping apart everything he thought true and introducing him to everything he could have. The day he approached Ann, he thought, was the day when the phantom thieves first appeared at the bottom of the hill.  
At first, they did as everyone else did, trying to reach him but only finding themselves sliding back down the moment they made any progress.  
When he had a number of accusations thrown at him regarding his request for Ann to model for him nude, Yusuke had stammered out that he held no interest in woman. That statement would keep him awake all night that night. He barely knew these people, would that statement clue them into his true feelings? Would they hate him? Would they never speak to him again? Though he admit he was a little annoyed by them, Yusuke knew he needed them. Without Ann bringing her friends with her, he would lose the only thing that gave him motivation to paint. He felt a little bad for asking Ann instead of him. Ann was a wonderful model, a natural at it really but the moment they sat down to paint, Yusuke found himself painting one of the friends she brought. Akira he introduced himself as earlier. Even so, Yusuke knew he could never ask Akira to model for him. Even if he did, Madarame wouldn’t be happy with the paintings he put out anyways. 

It was the night before they were set to steal Madarame’s heart, and Akira had invited Yusuke to the cafe after closing to try and calm him down. Yusuke appreciate it, he was quite nervous. Yusuke never had any friends, but if this is what having friends was like then he knew that he would like to get used to it.  
That night was also the same night that the phantom thieves made their first real progress scaling his glass hill.  
When he arrived at the cafe, he was surprised to see the other phantom thief members there as well. If was going to be honest, the entire night was kind of a blur. He was so wrapped up in worry and stress and he wasn’t used to socializing that much and he found most of the night whizzed by. However, everything came into focus when Akira said one thing,  
“Ann, I think a know a cute boy when I see one.” He said, matter of factly like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Yusuke didn’t want to give Akira the wrong idea so he focused at the table, staring at it in shock. The other phantom thieves didn’t seem to think Akira had said anything out of the ordinary. The conversation continued as normal. Yusuke felt a glimmer of hope he had not felt in a long time.

Weeks passed, and he felt truly at home with the phantom thieves. For the first time in his life, he had friends, and he loved it. He liked waking up to Ann and Ryuji arguing in the groupchat on why they should or shouldn’t skip class. He enjoyed meeting up with them at Leblanc and talking about nothing in particular. However, there was one night that changed everything for him.

Akira took a lull in conversation as an opportunity to change the subject. He said he wanted to talk to Yusuke about something. Yusuke was scared. The phrase ‘we need to talk’ struck fear into his heart like no other words could. He didn’t know why he was scared, Akira was nothing like Madarame after all.  
“Yusuke,” Akira said softly, “We’re friends now right?” He asked. Yusuke nodded slowly and Akira continued, “I just wanted you to know something. The other phantom thieves know and if you’re going to be working with us, I figured I should tell you straight up so you don’t get confused about it later.” Yusuke’s eyes were glued to the table. The tone Akira was using as nothing close to harsh. He had no reason to think anything bad was going to happen. He felt a jolt of fear. Had they figured out he was gay? Was Akira going to tell him that kind of thing was unacceptable in the phantom thieves?  
“Yusuke, I’m gay.” He finally said.  
“We want you to feel at home with us Yusuke,” Ann spoke up, “I’m a lesbian you know, we wanted to make sure that you knew that you can be whoever you want with us.”  
“I like girls a lot,” Ryuji added, “But I can’t help it if I find some boys cute sometimes!” Ryuji smiled at Yusuke, “What Ann said, we wanna be close with you but we felt like there was some kind of invisible barrier between us really knowing you, y’know?”

For Yusuke, time stopped. The glass of the hill he stood atop clinked. There were 3 people who had managed to brave the climb. 3 people who had failed and found themselves sliding back down over and over again. 3 people who he now found standing on top of the hill with him, reaching their hands out towards him.

“M-me too!” Yusuke managed to finally get out, “I-I mean, I’m gay.” He added. He felt tears in the corners of his eyes. They were not the tears he shed that morning with Madarame. They were not the tears he shed alone in his room at night when he had no one he felt he could truly trust. They were tears made of joy and the feeling of finally feeling like he belonged somewhere. He found himself in a tight hug from Ann,  
“You didn’t have to tell us right away you know.” She giggled, “We just wanted you to know that you’re safe with us!”  
“You knew!?” He exclaimed. Ann and Ryuji laughed a bit, and a smile tugged at the corners of Akira’s mouth.  
“We figured it out a while ago.” Akira said, “We didn’t mean to make you come out to us just because we kind of figured it out, so we just figured we’d make sure you knew that you’d be accepted here.”  
Yusuke didn’t know what to say. It took him a few moments but managed to put together a reply,  
“I assure you, I didn’t feel like I needed to say anything about myself. In truth, I have never really had friends. It is because you are all such wonderful friends I felt comfortable telling you all.” He nervously fiddled with the hem of his shirt, “I’ve never told that to anyone. It felt nice to say it.” Ryuji gave him another one of his big goofy grins,  
“You’re a phantom thief now Yusuke, we’ve got each others backs, no matter what!”  
For the first time in years, His feet touched the ground. The moment he did, he felt as though the glass hill he had made his home shattered to pieces.  
For as long as he could remember, love was a forbidden feeling for him. Something to ignore and hope it would fade as quickly as possible. But he realized now, there was nothing forbidden about it. Nothing to be ashamed of. He didn’t need a glass hill to protect him anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in a very long time but the idea popped into my head earlier today. The fairy tale itself is a Norwegian fairy tale called "the princess of glass hill"


End file.
